aww love ya
I find it incredibly hard to let go of people, and you would think “ok that’s normal” it’s hard letting go of people you care about but I tend to not want to let go of people that I may not even have a deep connection with I like to stay connected to people and only leave on my terms… I guess it’s a lack of control and knowing sometimes that people are the cause to me being happy or sad in which I should let go of… I need to take a step back and look at myself and all this hurt I harbour… I just don’t understand why I can’t make people stay… That sounds totally needy but I guess I have been yearning for something so long everyone just walks in and out of my life… It’s really getting to me to a point that I just don’t exactly know what to do anymore I’m falling back into a state of sadness… I take having people in and around my life much more seriously than a lot of people and I just wanna learn why… Why can I never let go when I need to and why don’t people tend to stay I guess something in me has to change maybe I am unbearable to be around…
Sometimes I feel like I’m guilty of lowering my worth, my own value subconsciously or not, why? Because sometimes when as a person you feel like to other people you are just an image, an object that can bring something to the table yet my only purpose is to be ornament for show, then I guess it’s all I know.. Sometimes I feel like I offer a part of me in which is only valued to others because I know it’s what they want, but also the only way I know to gain their attention… How can I offer more of me if nobody wants that part of me? They often sugar coat it by pretending they do, placing me in perfect position as if I was their prized possession, a possession with only one thing to offer. My heart good as gold but my body brass and bold, when will you see me for me.. When can I offer you me? Isn’t it crazy I have more to give but u don’t care to live to see it… I am guilty of feeding into egos and my self worth because in this world I long to be needed, to feel so I guess in order fulfil my moments I offer what they only care from me… Just to see part of me.
They all had their way with you, put you in positions you know you couldn’t play… Tell you things they think you want to know.. When all you ever wanted was the truth.. They all did the same to you, how are you to blame for thinking every man harbours the same traits… He said you was the only one but really there was more of you… Made you feel like you was the only one, taking you places like you was the only one, how was you to know? You have never been here before, fascinated by the exterior and hotel lights but you was not the only one. Head full of curls and a heart full of lies… Standing 5’4 but barely touching the ground… Lets admit it, used and Abused by putting trust in him, how can you trust a lie? Maybe you are too emotional, it wasn’t that serious you thought he would fuck with you, smoke everywhere, clear it. It could have been perfect, but I was the lonely one, not the only one sitting here listening to Jhene aiko like do you feel me tho? Man I need to blow cause my mind so gone. I stopped believing, fears building, doubt growing.. The men she meets are different but the same dam how can you fall again, you met them before feeding into egos, power trips leaving you without explanation dam aint I human? All they care about is the image they portray, money clothes, hoes and jokes … Man, when will love stop fearing me, they dated you, all did the same to you, every single time you give everything, everything so that every so often you get lost in you, No wonder it’s so hard for you to find your way, every time you’re lost it’s harder for you to find your place, you wasn’t the only one, they made you feel like you was the only one now you’re just like every lonely heart. That night you made me feel like I was the only one,eyes to eyes so good I was high, how can you be so good at deceiving, dam it was so believing.. But I wasn’t the only one.
“How can I blame myself because a grown human being has to be told how to treat me” … After the last post this heavily weighed on my head… In some aspects it is true most humans know right from wrong from as young as 2 and that’s because we are taught that way, we are framed… Unless you are imbalanced and classified as insane though I have an issue of classing what being sane really is that’s a different topic that I won’t settle right now. But how do I as a grown human being tell another how they should treat another human? I mean as humans we have come along way, we have been to the moon(debatable ), we have created some great technology , we know how to use the most difficult systems and solve the most frustrating equations yet we have to teach people from scratch how to treat another person? In my head it sounds almost abysmal, but on the flip side human behaviour is one that is often researched, we do not know each other, we think we do, we think we have found all the answers and that’s only because science presented facts about our bodies but we still do not know one another there’s more, I don’t think we will ever know each other and that’s why we have to blame ourselves for not teaching others how you expect to be treated because yes let’s face it we are all different and want to be treated in different ways but I think we are programmed in a default setting… Whatever you are shown is how you continue on… If all a guy meets is hoes then he will treat everyone accordingly … That’s until someone shows him no, u will treat me this way I am not one in the same and neither is treatment. So on one hand I agree it is important to teach people how one must be treated but on the other my more simplistic mindset feels if you are able to determine right from wrong you are capable enough not to be baby sat into steps of treating me how one human is supposed to… I guess humans are subjective and a lil more complex than I thought… I really need to study human behaviour because I really want to know you.
All the men that she’s ever encountered have proved to be cowards
Misused and abused her and bruised her with power- Jhene aiko. I don’t know whether I Believe in love… Now that’s a crazy sentence let me start again, I don’t know if I believe in man, more to the point I don’t believe in myself. I, we, women have put men on a pedestal to serve, protect, love from an early age, ideologies is all we know but when we come face to face with the man who does not portray our wishes, we, I, tend to shut down. I am geared by my emotions.. I give all of me to man because in my head that’s what you are supposed to do, men hold the power in the world who am I not to trust them? Some feminist are kicking at me for saying that but lets admit the truth. Some men have abused their power, giving their all to money, clothes and hoes and frankly I’m probably guilty of feeding into their egos… I also know I’m an emotional slut by definition I give everything maybe too soon or too much ( emotional slut by Oloni ) from an early age all I have known is that man is the key to a complete home, man is the key for children.. So why wouldn’t I? But lately I had to stop and think about my soul because my body stopped thinking about me… I cannot continue to live for man when man is living for ego this is not a man bash because we have to nurture and uplift our men, but sometimes you have to sit back and say how has man uplifted me? Do not degrade me by not growing with me, do not degrade me by choosing your ego, do not degrade me because there is more of me, by me I mean more women for you to demean… Not just men but women to have played a part in not taking control of how she is treated, I am guilty I am still guilty I’m just saying I have had a help in hand and of course ideologies play a role… I want to know what happen to love between men and women and I mean more than sex, I mean as human beings, the admiration, the mystery? I don’t have daddy issues, my father is a great man but a long the way I have come to question, what is a great man? Do I believe in man? Or maybe I don’t believe myself with man.
Yeah thats why im so interested in doing it i think it would open up my thoughts way more, thank you. and aww thank you that actually means a lot that someone thinks im a good soul best compliment ever xxx ur a sweetie.
It’s not exactly a religion it’s just something for the mind to keep happy… But I was drawn to it because of that it teaches you to be calm and I was drawn to it because I’ve had issues with my temper and this was only a year ago and I haven’t really got any tips because I’ve barely been practicing I’m not here to pursued anybody but just read up on it meditate and practice if you want and see If its for you even if its not and you prefer something else at least you tried it and became that more cultured about life hope all goes well
My hairs naturally like this at the moment olive oil and Moroccan oil is my life
I haven’t I don’t know if I’m that creative with writing yet but ill find a lane